Can we talk about bullies? And bullying? And (the bully’s favorite tool) name-calling?
Because it’s getting out of control.
And I’m not talking about kids on the playground. It’s the adults who are engaging in this bad, childish behavior. And (most heinously) claiming our Constitution and our First Amendment rights as justification for their bad, childish behavior.
Now, I’m no expert on bullying. But I was on the receiving end in high school.
It wasn’t your major motion picture bullying with a gang of girls ganging up on me. It wasn’t even a Disney Channel show version.
It was one teenage boy who thought it was fun — and funny — to make fun of my voice.
You see, I’ve always had a young voice. The voice of a 12-year-old boy who voice has not yet changed (and I know this as a fact because when my son was 12 all his friends thought I was him when I answered the phone).
And when I get excited – or angry – my voice goes up even higher.
I can’t do anything about the pitch of my voice. It’s genetics.
But whenever I spoke, my bully would mimic my words in his own funny-to-him high pitch version.
Nobody laughed at him (or, more accurately, me) when he did this. It was for his own sick amusement.
But I also don’t recall anyone coming to my aid. Telling him to knock it off.
When he did this, I felt helpless. And when I would voice my frustration and anger, he would just mimic me again.
A never ending loop ….
for four long years.
I’m sure he thought it was harmless. But even writing these words brings back all the humiliation. The anger. The feelings of being paralyzed. Trapped. Helpless …
So can I just ask a favor? Before you start calling someone something other than his or her own name, give pause.
And don’t do it!
We have made great strides to tackle bullying in our schools with zero tolerance policies. And yet grown adults who should know better are lobbing insults at one another. And name-calling. All the insults. All the hate. All out there for everyone to see in Facebook comment threads and Twitter feeds.
“Well, if you run for public office you should expect this. Grow a thicker skin. Get over it.”
Excuses they use to hide behind.
I call bull. At the end of the day, these are human beings with human feelings. How about a little empathy?
What have we become?
I’m all for a spirited discussion. Smart (and fact-checked facts and figures) sparring. But stooping to bullying and name-calling is a low blow. A child’s way out to deflect attention.
Those who do it should feel embarrassed. Humiliated. Because they are setting a terrible example for our zero tolerance generation children.
And now that I think of it, I should stop calling name-calling childish behavior. Because our children know better. Much, much better …
Great point! Be kind! I tell my boys to ask the boy eating alone to join their table. It will make a difference. One day.
I love that! I’ve always tried to teach my kids the power of empathy.
Very well thought out and well written. I completely agree!!!
Thanks! And I’m really enjoying the amazing insights being shared in this comment thread! It’s giving me renewed hope in humanity!
Hi Linda, This brought back my own memories of being teased and bullied. My mom tried the old, “they tease you because they like you” line. No support at home made it even worse. Thanks for sharing your story. Your roses are lovely! Amy
I think we moms can’t believe our amazing kids could never be bullied and downplay. My daughter had a grade school bully but luckily she had an older brother who jumped to her defense
Thank you for writing this.My daughter was bullied in Jr. High and still hurts today, 6 years later. And now adults are setting this bad example for all to see. Okay, on to better things. I love your kitchen and the roses are absolutely gorgeous!! Have a great day!
And to think I can still feel the hurt some (gulp) 30+ years later. And thanks for the kind words about my kitchen. I fear it looks better in pictures and would be bullied by much better kitchens on Pinterest! ?
The way adults are behaving now is embarrassing and shameful. How did we get here? Why are we stooping so low? And, the hate we have against each other is so sad. We are all different and therefore have different ways of thinking. There is nothing wrong with that. Please, please, please….we need to show compassion and understanding. It’s ok to disagree. But, let it be done in a respectable way.
Perhaps I’m naive but I always thought we were a country that celebrated and learned from our differences. That’s what I’ve strived to teach my children!
Thank you. I have no objection to opinions, I have lots of my own, but I despise the name calling.
I’m all for opinions as long as they are rooted in fact and not conjecture. And I truly mean that for both sides!
For adults who are name calling and bullying others, I believe that they are so inarticulate that their only option is ridicule. For those adults I feel empathy because they are the ones that don’t usually make life long friends and personal memories, poor souls to miss out on so much that is great in life when you have real emotions.
Too true. And a great reminder of the importance of empathy
I have thought about why adults bully quite a bit. My daughter went (past tense) to a private school, and a core group of moms were bullying other moms, trying to sway school policy to their liking (we had a laid-back principal, and since these moms had paid soooo much money for a private education, they thought they should have things their way).
I’m about 15 years older than the other moms, 40 years older than my daughter. I feel acutely aware of how many changes have taken place over the last 40 years: the use of social media is the obvious factor; people say things online they would not say face to face. But, more insidiously: when I was a kid, we watched cartoons after school and today, I notice there are a lot of live-action sitcoms for children. As kids, we did copy some of the sarcastic comments we saw the cartoon characters make. But somehow it’s different when you see actual human tweens say things on TV that no one could ever say for real. Snarky comments and sarcastic come-backs are common on live-action sitcoms; this kind of one-upmanship is substituted for intelligence. When we see actual people making this kind of conversation, I think we copy it more easily, without thinking. I am trying to stay sensitive to what goes on in the live-action kids’ shows, and steer my daughter away from it. I point out to her and her friends that, the reason our eyes are drawn to it is, it’s not like real life; we stare longer at things that are not “normal” somehow, and TV writers know this. So, in a backward way, the reason it’s on TV is that it’s NOT how things really are in real life. I think they get it. Then we turn the TV off and they play something else.
I’m still trying to get over my visceral feelings of anger and hurt, after being bullied by the other moms at my daughter’s former school. I do find it’s important to focus forward: on my family, my home, our future, and our new venture in homeschooling. Take care of the home turf. The photos of the beautiful flower arrangement in this blog spoke exactly that sentiment for me.
I completely agree. I have stopped reading some of the stories that are shared on Facebook. It doesn’t tell me much about the person being written about but it does tell me a great deal about the person writing the ugly comments!
Good point! And we’ll said! Thanks so much for joining our reasonable conversation and leaving politics at the door
I love you.
🙂
Clearly that mutual FB ‘encounter’ over the weekend got me thinking.
What Pat and Karen said. And everybody else.
Thank you!
The internet has created a generation of people hiding behind digital media saying things they would never be bold enough to say to your face.
Never type anything that you can’t shout from the rooftops and always choose kind.
People are forgetting the golden rule of treat others as you wish to be treated
Imagine if we all agreeded to disagree and let just let other live if no harm is brought by their actions? I will continue to dream we can get there.
For years I’ve gotten so bummed out over the heinous things people say online. I’ve learned not to read the comments section on certain sites because some people seem to like to go out of their way to leave rude/mean comments.
Very recently I got EXTREMELY depressed over the hate I saw people spewing on an article – and even worse they didn’t even try to hide it because they were commenting using Facebook – so it wasn’t even anonymous. It is sad how PROUD some people seem to be of their hatred (and ignorance).
I ended up prescribing myself a very high dose of Weird Al (love him) – which worked out really well because I posted that on FB and a friend had tickets to his upcoming concert and needed someone to go with her who would enjoy it. So I scored a free ticket to a concert that was a blast! So take that internet bullies – you indirectly helped me have an amazing experience.
Anyhoo, I never understood people who were mean for the sake of being mean. I guess it’s a sign of being miserable or insecure or even full of fear and/or just being close-minded. The hatefulness a person spews usually says way more about THEM than the person they’re directing it at.